f r e e d f r o m b o n d a g e

absence

2005-05-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

sorry for the absence. i was bogged down with national slavery and the festive seasons.

be back soon!

driving

2005-05-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

Daddy God, during the bible study on 06 may 2005, You told me that i will pass my driving test next week and all i need to do is to rest in Your love. well it is a week later and i’ve passed my driving test. thank You for always being faithful to me! thank you for showing me its all about You and none about me. You love me…

mom

2005-05-08T01:18:00.000+08:00

of all the people in my life
you've always been the one
who's shown an extra-special interest
in the things that i have done.

you've been there to congratulate
and to commiserate as well,
you've been the one who's picked me up
every time i fell...

through all the ups and downs of life
you've always helped me see
that if i keep on trying
i'll be the best that I can be.

i know that often I forget
to say these words to you
but I just want you to know, mom
that i really do love you.

blessed song

2005-05-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

i just listened to this blessed song, Till I See You – Hillsong United. read the lyrics.

the greatest love that anyone could ever know
that overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
and till i see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i'll trust in You

with all i am i'll live to see Your kingdom come
and in my heart i pray You'd let Your will be done
and till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i'll trust in You

i will live to love You
i will live to bring You praise
i will live a child in awe of You

You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
and till i see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
i’ll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
and with all i am my soul will bless Your name

i love the lyrics. it means so much to me. thank You Daddy God for sending Jesus Christ! i am what i am today because of You.

just rest in Him and listen. you'll be restored!

old friend²

2005-05-01T10:00:00.000+08:00

the continuation, reedited…

old friend's story

secondary days
02 january 1996, it was the first school day of the year, the first day in his new school, St. Andrew’s School, and the first day of a new phase in his life. a new start. life in the normal stream class was not easy. everyday he had to face his rowdy classmates who did not want to study, fights, noise, pranks only played in boys’ schools and teachers who looked down on students in the normal stream (imagine coming to school on the first day of the year to find your teachers think you are hopeless and not worth teaching). he hated being looked down on and therefore vowed to do well in his exams to be promoted to the express stream. by sheer hard work, he did it. he was promoted to the last express class in sec two.

he thought things would be different in sec two. he was wrong. he faced the same issues he faced in his sec one class again. though this time no one looked down on him. afraid of going back to the normal stream again, he studied hard to maintain his grades. besides school issues, he was facing another, puberty and he hated it. to him, it was uncomfortable. but like every other growing teenager, he could not stop talking about girls and puberty.

he had a friend called f whom he met in his sec one class. now, f is a man’s man. he was handsome, buffed, the school’s sportsman and two years older than his peers. f was older because he was schooled overseas for a number of years. with his age difference and his “experiences” overseas, f was well versed in the secular world. that made him a leader of men and a follower of women.

together they would talk for hours about girls and puberty. one day, he invited f to his house for lunch and a chat. as usual, they talked about the same topic. the chat went out of hand and f did something horrible to him. he resisted, f insisted and soon it was all over. he was molested. mixed feelings set in. he was angry, confused, disgusted and lost. he did not know what to do. suddenly, he felt condemned. he heard a voice in his head. it said “you’re gay”. he wanted to ask Jesus to forgive him but he felt stained and dare not sought the presence of his Saviour. so he took a hot shower hoping it will wash the stain away. it did not. and he went to church hoping he will be cleansed. again, it did not and he withdrew from Jesus Christ. time continued. for the rest of the year he focused on his studies to take his mind off this issue.

he was promoted to sec three and still was angry, confused, disgusted and lost. the voice that he would hear so often was convincing him he was gay. he hated himself. believing the saying that “God will help those who helped themselves first”, he decided to confront f himself. it did not went well. history repeated itself. he hated himself .

his troubles did not stop there. his parents’ marriage was on the rocks. it started out with the condominium apartment that andrew and joan purchased during the 1997 financial crisis. despite the economy recovering in 1998, joan’s business with her father was not doing well. she took a pay cut and for some months she did not take home any pay. joan could not afford to upkeep the family’s expenses, so she secretly borrowed money from the banks without telling her husband. andrew on the other hand had his difficulties too. with his gambling problem, andrew squandered away their joint savings on shares and incurred a debt. both of them had difficulties paying the bank loan they took to buy the apartment. life in the house was bleak.

all this while, his family less andrew was attending church as often as they could. he did not tell his family what f had done to him. he was too a shame to do it and did not want to hurt them. by now, he was a tool for f to play with. each time he went to church, he felt like running away because he felt dirty. one sunday, the pastor decided to preach on a series of the 10 Commandments. he attended the whole series of it (he had to follow his mom to church). after each sunday, he felt extremely condemned. he thought he was doomed and will not be saved when the rapture comes. he said to himself “no one needs to go to church to constantly feel condemned”. he decided to stop going to church.

stay tune for the continuation...

rest

2005-04-27T07:51:00.000+08:00

i was having my quiet time with Daddy God when my iPod mini played this song, Rest In You – Hillsong United. i felt a stirring in my heart. it felt like rivers of living water flowed through me. read the lyrics.

Your faithfulness endures always
where mountains fall and reason fails
and You calm the raging seas
and You calm the storms in me, again

all i know is i find rest in You
all i know is i find rest in You

my heart will praise throughout the night
where singing seems a sacrifice
and You calm the raging seas
and You calm the storms in me, again

Your grace is all i need
Your grace is all i need

usually, i would picked my songs but for some unknown reasons, i did not do it today. and when the song played, i knew Daddy God wanted me to rest in Him and let Him handle my life! Amen! praises to You Daddy God! honour and glory goes to You!

i know i am supposed to continue the story of my old friend! dont worry, the continuation will be out by the end of this week!

you’re His beloved one! just rest in Him!

resting.

old friend

2005-04-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

recently, i met up with an old friend who shared with me an interesting story. since the story is personal and sensitive, i’ll not put his name down. let me share with you his story.

old friend’s story

pre-school days
born into a catholic family on 07 june 1983 weighing 6.2 pounds at 9:30pm, the doctor declared he was a healthy baby. he was showered with love immediately because his paternal grandmother doted a lot on his dad, andrew (the typical old conservative chinese woman who dotes only on her son) and he was his maternal grandmother’s first grandchild. at the age of one, he went for an operation for to uncoil his intestines and after that he went on to nursery and kindergarten schools. he attended a catholic church every sunday but never learnt or understood the importance of going to church. to andrew, church was just another place for him to share with the world, the beauty of his snores and as for his mom, joan it was a ritual.

primary days
when he was six years old, joan decided to follow her father and started attending an anglican church (the name of the church was purposely left out). the family followed her and accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. about the same time, andrew enrolled him into St. Andrew’s Junior School, in which, he fared above average until he was primary three and that was 1992.

during that year, andrew frequently came home late because of his vices (gambling and womanising). andrew was invited by his son to come to school and watch him perform in the event he was participating on sports day. andrew agreed and said he will send him to school on that day. the son was thrilled. on the sports day, he woke up early, bathed and rushed into his parents’ room to wake his dad up. andrew was not in bed. he walked out to the living room and to his horror, saw his dad lying unconscious on the floor. he panic. he shook his dad hard, trying to wake him up. andrew woke up vomiting on the floor. drunk again. he reminded his dad about the sports meet. andrew stood up and walked out of the house with him. while waiting for a taxi, andrew fainted. a passerby saw what had happened and sought help from a nearby neighbourhood police post. seeing how drunk andrew was, the policemen lifted him up and put him in the police car with the son. they escorted the father and son home. the son was humiliated, hurt and upset. he missed his sports day. from that day on, he did not thought much of his dad. as andrew continued in his vices, a vacuum appeared in his son’s heart.

although he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour in his new church and believed in Him, he never knew his Saviour personally. he felt Jesus Christ was somewhere far away. church was a place for him to show his intelligence since his grades in schools started to slip. he remembered the bible verses, how many books are there in the bible, old and new testaments alike and all his sunday school teachers liked him. however he never understood the messages and meanings the bible had to offer.

as he continued through the upper primary levels, his grades slipped further. he was losing interest in his studies. for his psle prelims, he just managed to make it into the express stream. he prayed that it will stay that way. it did not. he ended up in the normal stream. his family was disappointed in him. the vacuum grew bigger and he felt Jesus Christ was very far away.

stay tune for the continuation of my old friend’s story…

singled out

2005-04-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

i was thinking about the upcoming church camp and got really excited about it. in the last church camp Daddy God showed me His love for me and i know that i know that i know He has something blessed installed for me in the upcoming camp. ooo... and this camp will be better than last year's. cant wait for it! Amen!

bondage

2005-04-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

what does bondage mean?

bondage n 1: the tenure or service of a villein, serf, or slave 2: a state of being bound usually by compulsion (as of law or mastery): as a: captivity, serfdom b: servitude or subjugation to a controlling person or force.

i am sure a lot of us are in some form of bondage. some are glued to pornography while others are addicted to drugs. from sexual immorality to gambling… the list goes on and on. so what is your bondage?

direction

2005-04-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

i realised it is bloody boring and cliché to write about booze, girls, sex and sports. so i am going to use this blog to reflect my past, my thoughts (which still include booze, girls, sex and sports) and my daily walk with my saviour, + Jesus Christ +

virgin post

2005-04-18T17:31:00.000+08:00

great, this is my first blog and post. and it is such a thrill to take away the virginity of this blog by posting this post from the office.

this blog was created out of the essence of pure boredom in a little office by the seletar river.

credit is given to the baked buffed lobster for cajouling me into creating this blog when i was terribly bored.

more to come...